March Birthdays...

So April the pisces and Michelle the Aries are both having birthdays this month. Mine is on March 22nd. I will be a rip old age 34! I know some of you think thats not a big deal but for me it is. I was actually in quite a funk for the past few weeks, kinda acting all psycho I must say.

For instance I started to regret ending seeing that certain someone I mentioned in a previous post. I became overwhelmed with past emotions with the discovery of a cousin on my fathers side reaching out to me to establish a relationship, then my birthday coming up which means I'm not near my personal goals I've set for myself and of course the ultimate...PMS!

After much crying, anxiety and what not I damn near had to slap myself...why am I tripping? Baby girl is gorgeous, fun loving and funny...I have no problems meeting anyone and why settle? I don't know at what point I lost myself in the process but I did. Not to mention homie has an exwife (not yet divorced from ...has it been 6 months already) who apparently is a cock blocker & needs to move on. Can we say it all together HATER! I have too much going for myself to deal w/that wack sh8t. I'm going to put on my f*ck em dress and be like f*ck em girl, f*ck em (and shame on you if you don't know where I got that line from)!

Then in regards to the birthday I had to take a step back, I'm almost finished with school. Yes, I'm going to be 34-years-old but I don't look it at all. I actually blew away a few guys & girls last night in my class w/that little fact. I am smart, talented, good-looking and have a lot going for myself.

And with regards to my family situation...I do not have any contact w/my father's side of the family. I was honest w/my cousin as to how all this made me feel. I hate my father, he's a SOB. I actually tell people he's dead (at least to me he is). So knowing while growing up I had all these other family members out there that knew of me too and no one made attempts to communicate or reach out to me left me feeling well...a sense of disappointment, loneliness and abandoned. I must say I'm a pretty up front and honest person but we all know that there's always a little bit of yourself and how you feel that you just don't tell anyone. So I had to dig deep and pull out all those feelings and be totally honest w/myself. And after discussing it w/my bestie Elaine I was able to resolve a bit of those feelings and am actually now looking forward toward establishing family relations.

So...the moral of this post? Things could always be worse. Look at the positive and don't try to keep what God doesn't want you to. Everything happens for a reason and don't second guess yourself. Love you, put you first but always be honest w/yourself about your intentions and actions.